I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
