tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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