We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize