I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize