Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
