a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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