How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
