So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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