Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
