i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
