Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
MIDGETS
????
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
