So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
