i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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