oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
