peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
