I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
