i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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