9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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