atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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