So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
