there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I could fuck to npr.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
