come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
