so that wasnt chicken after all
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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