Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
