Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
