if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize