Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
no, he came in my armpit
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
