party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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