Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize