Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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