3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
