The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
