i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
