i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
