He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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