That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
