I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
