I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize