I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
