Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
