Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize