i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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