We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
