We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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