He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
