The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
