i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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