That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
