eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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