She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
