I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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