I seem to have left my pride at pride
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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