Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
