I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
