We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
