Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
