I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
