I accidentally had phone sex last night
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
