Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
