Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
