From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
