areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
