Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
