i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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