Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
