xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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