what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize