Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
