Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
