i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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