also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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