what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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