You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
