if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
