dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
accomplished twins. life is a go
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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