You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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