Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
