i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
