I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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