Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
