i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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