Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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