Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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