I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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