Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
